Nightmares and Daydreams
by HaleysWaitress
Summary: "Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light" Cato/Clove


Whoops I rewrote my previous story entirely and gave the whole thing a different plot and style.

I've also learned I like starting sentenced with And. Sorry to all you guys who liked the other story but I definitely didn't so heres the new one enjoy :)

* * *

Nightmares

It was not until the victor's tour did the two young children realize the darkness of the world. District two was one of the more fortunate districts that were clean, wealthy, and obedient. The children went to school, their parents went to work, their loyalty laid with the capital. The best training was offered to those who were worthy enough to compete in the annual Hunger Games, their technology state of the art, their weapons the sharpest, their trainers the strongest. All was well in District Two, people had smiles on their faces and money in their pockets, so it was not surprising that privileged Cato and Clove did not have to even spare thoughts about the other citizens of Panem.

The two were noticeably the most prepared and skilled for the 74th Hunger Games and had no mercy towards the other dirty children of Panem, winning easily and quickly (although with the help of Katniss and Peeta) and making Panem history as being the first dual victors to arise from the arena.

And although the Capitol were not pleased about the extra victor, the begrudgingly let them slide as platonic allies because honestly, the tragic love story that was District 12 would have started something that The Capitol did not want to deal with. So Cato and Clove were presented patiently by Caesar and watched the recaps with smirks on their faces.

Cato and Clove were never more than acquaintances before the 74th games. They were enrolled in the same school and attended training at the same center, paths crossing once or twice, the occasional word said to one another, but nothing more. There was an age difference between the two so they were often separated and classified into different areas so knowledge of one another was sparse until Reaping Day.

And then their fates were finally intertwined.

Yet still, even days into the pre-Games process, both were but acquaintances, knowing that one of the two would not be coming home. Their mentors were excellent, pumping out strategies and did various ice breakers until Cato and Clove became comfortable enough with each other to form an alliance and start planning with the other career districts because, _goddammit one of you have to win_.

They posed as the ultimate threat for the other children in the training sessions. Cato relentlessly sparing with the dummies and trainers, Clove throwing knives with ease into the bullseye of the targets, both making sure everyone knew that if they died in the arena, it would be at their hands. Clove could see the small twelve year olds cower in the corner of her eyes as her and Cato size up their alliances. They know this games will be won easily.

Although both of the District Two tributes will deny the fact that they were a nervous wreck before the Games begun, their mentors picked up how Cato stared into space more often and how Clove would savor every last bite of food like it was her last. Both teenagers noticeably growing closer as the games approached and made their voices hushed and secretive.

And if Enobaria noticed Cato slipping into Clove's room after bedtime, she certainly didn't draw attention to it; they were hormonal teenagers trying to let off some steam, and if the footsteps in the hall didn't give them away, their moans certainly did.

However, all that tension was lost in the arena and Cato and Clove were strictly business partners and left the on-screen romance to Katniss and Peeta.

The others were picked off one by one.

Their ally numbers quickly diminished.

And Cato and Clove won the 74th Hunger Games in a week flat.

And then the light died just as quickly as it came and was replaced with darkness.

* * *

The world was flawed and cruel, Clove quickly learned. The sun did not shine for her and the world did not stop for turning. Time and space moved on in a matter of seconds wether you wanted it to or not. And Clove was definitely not ready. It was an effort everyday to lift her eyelids from sleep that seemed to last forever to face the routine ways of the capitol. Her bones ached, her heart hurt, and her mind cried while she moved through the motions of her shiny new life as a victor. Those around her in the victor village gave their pity and tried to give words of encouragement through empty smiles but even the strongest knew that this world never stops and you never get off that train.

Cato saw the life slowly drain in her eyes as they trekked through the Districts one by one, giving half hearted speeches and noticed that anyone could see through their cold hearted facade.

As tradition, the victory tour went numerically backwards through Panem, starting with District 12. Stepping off the bullet train onto the creaky wooden platforms of the District 12 welcoming stage made Clove recoil in disgust,

" _How poorly unkept_ " she thought. But then she looked up simultaneously with Cato and their mouths dropped. Seeing thousands of malnourished, soot covered citizens slapped the privileged teenagers right in the face. They were aware of the financial situations of all the districts but not to the extremities of this. There were hundreds of children skinnier than Cato's thighs and skull sunken cheekbones were a noticeable trend.

And then she looked into the eyes of Katniss Everdeen's sister and understood why the sixteen year old girl gave up everything. Her eyes darted to the baker's family and monotonously recited the speech given to her. Cato said the departing words and they turned around and left as quickly as they came.

Clove was determined to keep her facial expressions collected and hid her emotions from Cato and Enobaria but then another chip in her walls broke loose as they looked into the eyes of the district eleven girl's mother and numerous sisters and tried to not let the tears streaming down their faces bother her.

But they did, and even in the luxury of the Capitol, the nights in her train car grew longer and the air turned colder. Something that not even the warmth of Cato could fix. Time dragged on as Cato and Clove delivered their speeches nine more times in a zombie like state until they finally reached home.

Enobaria's departing words to Clove as she turned down the street to her own victors house were the final crack in her heart.

"You never truly get off that train. This ride never ends."

* * *

She was right.

There were countless nights were Cato lay in bed motionless, staring at the wall in front of him, too scared of what he would see when sleep overcomes him. He tried taking up new hobbies like woodworking and painting but got too frustrated and settled for the familiar routine of exercising, just like in the training center before the games. Instead of sleeping Cato would do countless push ups, sit up, bicep curls and try to tune out the nonstop noises in his head.

Clove noticed the change in Cato's appearance - good and bad, his body more lean and packed with muscles was not something she complained about but the bags under his eyes stuck out the most. She didn't say anything about them because Clove was not in the place to talk either.

There were nights when she would thrash about in her bed because of the nightmares and, more than once, would end up hurting her self in one way or another whether it be crooks in the neck or long fingernail scratches up and down her arms.

And Cato noticed them as well, but like Clove, was in no condition to say anything.

So they danced around each other for a while, sometimes walking with each other to the market and making small talk and gossiping about their friends to each other. Cato would see her at the weekly victor parties their neighborhood threw and would make mental notes of how many drinks she picked up and then carry her to her house at the end of the night, hoping she would forget him in the morning.

But Cato was always in the back of her mind. Clove was a very independent girl you see, and made sure she would never be seen in a state of weakness, she didn't need anyone taking care of her, especially not Cato. (It seems she did always forget Cato after the parties.)

But it was nights like this when Clove just really appreciated Cato as a person.

She was back in the arena, running through the forrest and pushing her way through the branches and leaves with the mutts high on her trail. In the foreground she could see the cornucopia in the clearing and ran even faster when she noticed a body trying to scale up the side, she could only hope that was Cato: they had been separated when the mutts were let loose.

Her lungs are burning as she pushes her body harder to get to the person struggling on the cornucopia and she can hear the snarls of the mutts behind her. Finally she breaks through the tree line and can make a visual of the person who is half way up the side of the metal structure and almost calls out to them but her voice is stuck in her throat as she watches a mutt come out of nowhere and grab the legs of, the newly recognized District 12 girl, and viciously yank her to the ground. Clove's almost screams are replaced by Katniss's and she tears her gaze away from the murder scene and focuses on running.

She is nearly there when she trips on a piece of metal and before she can get back on her feet the screams of Katniss are silenced by a sudden canon boom.

Stumbling, Clove grabs at the grass when she feels a bite on her legs and screams in pain, reaching behind her to try and slash at the mutt with the knife she has in her hand.

Her attempt fails and suddenly Clove's eye meet with the mutts for a fraction of a second before she screams.

The mutt lunging at her face is the last thing she sees before her eyes fly open. Clove's hands are searching the bed in panic and her throat feels dry from the screaming she must have been doing. She can feel the tears drying on her face and that certainly does not help the panicked state she is in right now.

Just as Clove was regaining her breathing something in her house echoed and that's all it took before she was grabbing the nearest knife on her nightstand and flew down the staircase, running for the front door.

The air is humid and hot and feels heavy in her lungs, its the summer season and although temperatures lower in the night time, District Two still sets the nation records for highest temperatures.

Clove does not have much knowledge of the other victor villages in the other districts but in District Two, the layout was almost a cul-de-sac with Cloves' house right towards the gates in the front.

She sets off running deeper into the village and notices that she's barefoot as the pavement digs into her feet, but the pain is a second thought. Clove isn't even thinking that much of where she's going until she reaches her destination. House number 62, Cato's residence. Before she flings open the front door (because he always stupidly left it unlocked) she makes a mental note that for once, all of the lights are out, which means that he is sleeping.

" _No matter that"_ , she thought as she slammed the door shut behind her, " _He wont be for long_." The house is easy to navigate in the dark because the architects of the victor village weren't exactly creative in varying the layouts when they were built, so she familiarly feels the walls and easily steps onto the first step of the staircase before bolting up the rest.

The closed door of Cato's room looks eerie to her but she pushes past her fears and opens the door to his room. She sees Cato laying on his side with his back faced to her and sees the gentle rise and fall of his breathing. Clove tip toes her way to the bed and before she can put her weight on the mattress, Cato turns around and grabs her hand, pulling her down and close to his chest.

His arms squeeze her in a rather uncomfortable position and she makes a small squeaking noise before completely breaking down in deep sobs. The grip on Clove loosens and she turns to bury her face into Cato's shirt, wrinkling the material in her fists. The small strokes on her back and the hand in her hair is what eventually calms her down, her breath eventually evens out and the tears have stopped falling after who knows how long. Cato was never the one for words so she doesn't wait for him to speak.

"I wish I died in the arena sometimes." Her voice was still thick with tears. She felt shameful thinking these thoughts, while she was here enjoying the endless money and comfortable living situations of the victor village, people in District Twelve were starving; something she never thought she would care about.

It was selfish of her to live the way she was, Clove learned. The other older victors shamed her when she told them that she never wished she survived, they told her it was cowardly to wish that when she was the one that killed all of those other children, stealing their chances of surviving so that she could win. Only to sit here and regret it. Clove never found out that the older victors wished the same things as her too.

It was the first time she had admitted it to Cato, Clove lifted her head to look at Cato's blank face. He snapped out of it and his eyes met hers.

"We're dead anyways. We always were right? I just didn't know that until now." Cato said. The two laid in silence for a while before flinching at the occasional muffled scream of the other victors in the neighborhood came through the open window in Cato's bedroom. While the sound was heart wrenching, it was comforting to know that they were not the only ones stuck on this train ride.

It was well into the night before their lips met softly and the pain subdued momentarily as they enjoyed each other's company once more. Skin on hot skin and each others breath in their lungs were some of the details that reminded them that they were _alive._ And in this moment right now they didn't mind it so much. Eventually the excitement died and their heartbeats returned to normal as the two teenagers lay side by side.

Meeting each others eyes once again, Clove really noticed the balance of the world; it was staring at her right in the face. While she lay in her short stature, a fan of dark brown hair covering the pillow, she looked into the eyes of her complete opposite. A tall, warm blonde boy with beautiful blue eyes and skin that glowed with the sun. Light and Dark, Day and Night, Push and Pull, Yin and Yang.

Since the Games, Clove has faced many monsters, swam through many oceans, and held the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her walls were long gone and her soul already in a hundred pieces. She has heard of the evil in the world, saw the various uprisings in the districts and no she was not blind. But she was ignorant and selfish. And wanted all of this hurt to end, she wanted the burden lifted off her shoulders.

And Cato did just that. He was the light at the end of the tunnel and he was the good to her evil. Clove was not going to be like those stupid love stories and claim that he fixed her and they lived happily ever after because they didn't. No one could fix Clove and no one could fix Cato but they were going to do their best to hold each other up.

As Clove was laying there, next to Cato, she felt her chest rise and fall with every breath she took and accepted that she needed help and that it was okay to ask for some. So she rolled over on her side and rested her head on his chest while laying an arm across his body.

"You'll stay with me right?" She asked hesitantly and Cato took a moment before replying.

"Where would I go?" he asked Clove.

She took a moment to consider that question before giving an answer of her own.

"Anywhere but this hellhole I'd hope." A small breath of laughter followed.

"It'll be just you and me", Cato kissed the top of her head, "We'll escape."

No words followed his answer and for once the two of them feel into a blissful, dreamless sleep.

But even when darkness was overcome by the morning sun, their eyes were still tired and their bodies still ached and their minds were still worried of what would come of the world. As much as the Capitol tried to keep the uprising a secret, Cato and Clove knew that somehow information was getting leaked and all of the victors nationwide were aware that Panem was falling apart. Clove wanted nothing to do with it.

Cato had talked about the uprisings with the other victors during their weekly parties/meetings and acted like he was ready to fight, a determined look was set in his eyes as he conversed with Brutus of who the rebel groups were and how they were achieving this state of chaos.

Clove tried not to look scared as she pointed her head away from her fellow victors, she couldn't stand to watch the people she cared about most die but there was no way in ignoring what was happening.

It seemed like most of the action was happening in the outer districts of Twelve, Eleven, Eight, and Seven. Peacekeepers were being killed and government buildings were being blown up daily it seemed. There were moments when other victors such as Beetee and Haymitch would appear on their television screens before being quickly cut off by capitol nonsense. The victors of District Two watched as buildings were being burned down in District Twelve and people were being aimlessly shot at in crowds. It was mad chaos and Clove knew it was only time until the fire of destruction spread across Panem and the Districts fell like dominos.

Each night Cato and Clove laid in silence and in the comfort of each other as the clock was ticking down until their District would fall too. Words of encouragement were occasionally whispered by Cato, promising Clove that everything would be alright and that they would win this war.

Clove never knew what 'they' he was talking about.

She never really had much time to ask because before she knew it, only a mere ten days later, their town hall was wrecked to the ground and Clove watched as her city burned in flames. Her hand was held tightly in Cato's and nothing, not even a scream could escape her mouth because she was wrong. She thought her life after the games was awful but this? This is hell.

Clove realized that this is when the nightmares truly begun.

* * *

Sorry for the sappiness in the middle, it's a little out of character but what can you do. I've always thought of District Two being California/Nevada and New Mexico, that doesn't really explain the humidity part I put in but hey I live in the south so thats what i'm used to. Dry heat must be nice.

I hope you all liked this, i would greatly appreciate comments and reviews, thanks!


End file.
